On 9/28/2018 Anthony Yen left this world.  A tall “white” Chinese man with a deep voice and a strong presence. Uncle Tony, my Dad’s brother from another mother.  He had a way to make my Dad laugh and smile like no one else. They knew everything about each other and were friends for over 50 years.

Uncle Tony was half British and half Chinese. Dark Brown hair and round eyes. When my dad worked in LA, they would eat dinner together almost every night. Dad loved telling the Chinese restaurant waitresses that he taught my Uncle Tony Chinese. I see their relationship similar to the ones I have with my best friends and sister. The love that lasts forever. Trying to think of a eulogy to say goodbye to someone so close seems impossible. How do you explain that type of brotherhood to anyone? Out of all my dads friends- he is the one I was closest to.

First memories

During Christmas break of 1985, my dad drove me and Wendy down to la to visit Uncle Tony and his family. During our stay, they found out it was my birthday and promptly threw me a birthday party. After all these years, it’s one of my favorite birthday memories.

 

Last Memories

Maybe a year and a half ago, while visiting the Bay Area, my dad and Uncle Tony asked if we could all have dinner. I made a half joke about having to drive alone to dinner. The third or fifth wheel to everything. Uncle Tony told me that I wasn’t solo and he’d ride with me  to dinner, hugging me.  A small but endearing moment.  A positive fixture in my life. It was the last time I would see him healthy.

Cancer

Both my dad and uncle Tony were diagnosed with cancer in 2010/2011 . Each person went through surgery and treatment pushing the cancer into remission. However, in 2016 Uncle Tony’s cancer came back.  The doctor estimated one year. This time he declined chemo treatment and chose holistic and organic treatment. I was angry. Yet I couldn’t say anything.  Everyone pretended it was going to be ok. I told myself it was his quality of life – and maybe this was better. But now after the fact, I wish I could have convinced him to choose life. To stay here just a little bit longer.

This last year he deferred my visit requests. I don’t think he wanted to see him weak and un well. Each time we talked- he would say he would see me when he recovered.  I had been hopeful to see him at Wendy’s wedding, but he was too weak to make the trip. I think in the back of my mind, I knew I would never see him healthy again, but I pretended that one day would be better. If I didn’t think about it, then I wouldn’t have to face the grim facts.

Regrets

I regret not seeing Uncle Tony one more time. Why did we all pretend that holistic treatment was going to make the cancer go away? I’m mad that he died. Would oncologists have been able to save him? I regret not making it a bigger deal with my Dad. Instead now, I get angry at God for taking away a good man too soon. He was my Dad’s best friend and I don’t know if anyone else understood every aspect of my dad as well he did.

The Funeral

The day to say goodbye was hard. I thought about how I would always look for Uncle Tony when I went with my Dad to see his friends. Now his face is gone from the crowd. Instead his photo sat on an easel, next to the coffin that looked too small to fit someone with that much personality. Tears rolled down my face. I couldn’t say out loud what I was feeling.

Saying Goodbye to Uncle Tony

Uncle Tony – I hope this next journey brings you peace. I’ll try to keep the positive attitude you had with my Dad. Take him to try new restaurants. Encourage him to travel. Live live to the fullest. I know I never told you thank you…. but thank you for being a part of our family.

Rest In Peace Uncle Tony

We love you.